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I Love You Part 5: I Shall Believe
Sheryl Crow
I Love You Series
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Continuation of the "I Love You" Series

WARNING: MATURE CONTENT. PLEASE DON’T READ UNLESS YOU ARE AT LEAST 16 YEARS OF AGE AND MENTALLY MATURE ENOUGH TO HANDLE THE SEXUAL NATURE OF THIS. IF YOU HAVE TO GOOGLE ANYTHING I REFERENCE…YOU’RE PROBABLY TOO YOUNG TO READ IT. ALSO, IF YOU DO READ THIS AND YOU’RE UNDER THE AGE OF 16…DO NOT FOR FUCKS SAKE TELL ME. THANK YOU. 

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I Shall Believe (inspired by Sheryl Crow)


The scalding water streamed down my back, marking my skin red from it’s scorching heat as I held my hands over my face and tried to take deep breaths over my heavy chest and the rising steam. I wanted to burn everything away. The last couple months without him. The fading memory of his skin on mine. All the ways in which my life was changing and not any of them in ways I welcomed. 

I missed our bubble. I ached for it. His smile behind my ear, untainted. Living my life knowing he was mine and that being enough. Not having to face the ugly truth of his life. He was what others wanted. They wanted him to be happy, but not with anyone else but them. They hated me without knowing me. At first, I was the mystery girl on his arm. They didn’t know me so they couldn’t harm me. The papers wrote about us, the cameras intruded but I was safe. But they found me somehow. Figured out who I was. I couldn’t stomach looking at my Twitter mentions or seeing the trending topics. Reading that people wanted me dead. That I was ugly. Unworthy. Nothing. Without him here, without his strong hands and steady gaze telling me it didn’t matter, I broke.

I couldn’t even go out alone any longer. They recognized me everywhere I went. Hurling insults. A couple even brave enough to grab for my hair or my clothes. They were furious because I had what they desired and they were going to rip it from my grasp. 

His absence was hard enough on it’s own. The cold of my sheets. The stiffness in my bones. The burn in my palm without his there. The paleness of my lips without his there to mark them. Leave them red with his want for me, his love for me. I couldn’t smell him anywhere. I couldn’t feel him. He’d never felt more gone. Even though he called me every night even when he was exhausted just to hear my voice and tell me he loved me. Even though I saw the sparkle in his eyes and the smile on his face in interviews when he shot his hand in the air to announce, finally, that he was taken. Everything felt horrible. 

I didn’t want to leave my house. I couldn’t face the magazines, the cameras, the shouts, the anger. I wasn’t doing anything wrong and I knew that. But it didn’t change the fact that I was being made to believe I had. That taking him from these girls who’d never even known the contentment of falling asleep beside him was somehow a crime punishable by threats of harm. I just felt empty.

When his hands wrapped around my arms and his chest pressed to my wet back, his nose burying itself in the back of my drenched hair, I finally began to relax. Lifting my face from my palms and keeping my eyes closed as I tilted my head back against his shoulder. Reaching behind me to tangle my wet hand in his hair and feel his palms smooth across my stomach, over my hips and under the crescent of my breasts. 

"I missed you baby," I sigh into the steamed air of the shower, feeling his lips press to my neck and his hand ghost down my slick abdomen to the warm pillowy flesh between my thighs. Cupping his hand there just to give me his heat. 

"Are you okay, love?"

I shake my head, feeling tears building behind my lids. “I need you.” 

"I’m here. I’m right here."

I heard his words, felt him against me. The rise of his body at the small of my back. The pressure of his fingers against my core. He was home. He was with me now. That’s all that mattered. 

Moving my hand down his forearm, I scratched my nails against the back of his hand, urging him to part my folds and glide his middle finger over my clit, pressing the pad of his finger against my opening. Slipping inside me effortlessly and making me gasp in the heated air. The water scorched my skin as his hand lit a fire inside of me. His hand pumped slow, allowing the base of his palm to graze against my clit as I breathed in the skin at his neck. 

He bit his lip and watched through his curtain of dripping wet hair at the work of his hand inside and against me. I brushed my hand up the tension in his forearm to the strength and curve of his bicep to curl behind his shoulder and hold to him. A second finger joining his middle to stretch me further, to prepare me for the fullness of his body that I knew I would get. I waved my hips against his hand and he pushed me against his body, holding me there with the strength of his hand that was still unraveling me. Pressing me tight to him as his fingers beckoned inside me and his thumb circled against my clit. 

"Oh God, Harry," I gasped, my thighs trembling with pleasure that was stacking against me. 

"Do you wanna come for me, love?" God, I missed the deep smoky tone of his voice in my ear. How much thicker the gravel would get when he was turned on. 

"You know I wanna wait for you. But God, you feel so good," I exhaled and gripped tighter to his skin as he pushed in deep, letting my body overtake his knuckles. 

His lips traced the line of my jaw to my ear, letting me feel his breath, hot and welcoming pouring down my neck. “Turn around.” 

My muscles took a few seconds to respond to his request as his hand slipped away from me and I faced him, wrapping my arms around his neck and letting him lift me off the slick tile floors of my shower and wrap my legs tight around his waist. He held me like I weighed nothing. Like he could carry me and all the weight I’d been carrying without a second thought. 

I grasped the back of his head and pinned my forehead to his as he turned the shower off and carried us from the bathroom to my bed, both of us dripping wet. Laying me against the sheets, our bodies soaking the soft cotton as I finally got the comfort of his lips, the serenity only his tongue could grant me. I whimpered against him as his fingers curled behind my ear and his thumb pushed the curve of my jaw up to allow him further, his tongue strong yet so soft against mine. 

Taking my hands in his, entwining our fingers and bracing them tightly against the mattress, I hitched my leg up his hip and angled myself to him so he could guide his ready length inside me without any guidance from his restrained hands. 

Feeling him again was a relief my body and mind needed more than I even knew. I took in a breath and felt a hot tear trickle from the corner of my eye back into my soaked hair as he stretched me and pushed further and further, slowly, until I had all of him and he all of me. The pleasure of the embrace of my body overwhelming him, breaking him form the kiss to turn his cheek to my lips and groan softly. 

"God, your whole body is so warm, baby," he admonished, his fingers flexing around mine. 

"Take me, Harry. Please God, take me," I begged, wanting to be completely overtaken by his body. His heat. His everything. 

He slid our clasped hands behind my head and held them there as his hips pulled back and pushed deep, slow at first but gathering speed as my body yielded to his. I could feel how wet I was for him. It leaked out of me every time he pushed inside me, coating us both. 

His hair dripped to my forehead as his electric eyes focused on mine, lulled and glistening, his red lips parted and his tongue held to his teeth as the pressure of his thickness pushed in my stomach and parted my walls. 

The pace and having gone too long without causing him to get overcome quickly, his breath catching and his eyes squeezing closed as his head dropped slightly and a breath of a word getting lost between us. 

"God, I missed this," his words were a gust of pleasure and I smiled against his cheek before moaning out in protest as he pulled from me, stretching his body down mine, kissing my collarbone and further to my breasts. Flicking the peak of my nipple into his mouth to hold between his teeth and suck gently for only a moment before releasing our hands and finding his way further down my stomach. His eyelashes tickling the sensitive skin under my navel as his wet hair left trails against me. His wide hands spreading my legs further, admiring the way his body had pinked the flesh at my thighs apex before licking me gently and fully from opening to clit with a soft groan as my body arched to him. 

Closing his lips around my clit like a deep kiss, knowing he could taste himself there. His palms massaged my thighs as I moved his hair back and watched his eyelashes rest against his cheeks as his lips sucked against my bundle of nerves and his tongue pulsed, licking me slowly once more. Trying to bring his body down some and build mine up further. Once he tasted enough and brought me so close to the edge I was whimpering and squirming, he moved his lips to my hip, folding me over and coming to his side behind me. My leg draped over the crook of his arm with his chest against my back and my fingertips pressing into the firm skin of backside as he pushed inside me once again. 

I never tilted my face away from his, wanting full access to his lips and wanting him to see how much I’d missed him across my features. He took me steady, our skin smacking against each other as he rest my leg back over his thigh and moved his fingers to my swollen clit. I sucked in a breath, contracting my stomach as he rubbed and circled, pinching me between his fingers and rolling me softly as his thick length brought me closer and closer. 

"Don’t stop, God, don’t stop. Baby, shit," 

I pressed my butt back against him, seating myself deeper and causing a deep groan from him as his lips pressed to the back of my shoulder. I clenched when his hips pulled back and drove up hard and he grazed his teeth against me, rubbing faster against me until I was unraveling.

"Oh God, oh God. Jesus, Harry baby," I gripped to the sheet in front of me and felt my body shake as he took me over and down even further.

"I want to be under you, love," Harry was breathless in my ear and when my legs allowed muscle movement I shifted away from him as he rolled to his back and let me straddle him, taking his length between his fingers and holding himself steady as he watched me lower myself on him. 

My body was so incredibly spent, so weak from my orgasm that I moved in a lazy wave, rocking against him before finally bringing my body down over him. He gripped my backside as I fisted the sheets by his head and his hips took me over once again. Thrusting up from under me. I held my breath then let go in a loud exhalation as I glided him in and out of me, grazing my breasts against his smooth chest. Feeling his hard nipples as mine moved over them. 

One of his wide hands stayed against my ass as the other moved up my spine and twisted itself in the back of my hair. 

"Touch yourself, love. Do it for me," he coaxed but I couldn’t open my eyes. Couldn’t imagine getting off again. My body was already so weak.

"No, Harry. I can’t," I was out of breath, delirious with him. 

"Please, baby. One more time," Harry raised my hand off the bed, folding down my thumb and pinkie and licking his hot tongue against the three remaining fingers before sucking them into his mouth, wetting them completely and causing my stomach to contract. He moved my hand between our bodies and pressed my wet fingers to my hypersensitive nub, guiding it in slow circles with his fingers against the backs of mine. 

"Oh uh God," I gasped, his hand leaving mine to work alone and his hips thrusting up again. My body clenched against my will as my second and last orgasm built but his body was too overcome. I felt the flex of his fingers against me and watched as he swallowed deeply then couldn’t breathe, his teeth grazing deep into his bottom lip as his back arched before I felt him spill and pulse. 

I was so close, I couldn’t stop. Even though his body relaxed and his hips rest back on the mattress he was still inside me and my fingers never stopped their furious circling on my clit. As he came around and looked at me, his eyes traveling to my vigorous work against myself, he clasped his hands on either side of my face and kissed me. Holding my forehead to his as my jaw dropped over the powerful waves coming on strong.

"That’s it. Come, baby. Let go. Fuck, that’s it," he encouraged quietly as my body jolted hard, knocking a startled breath out of me at the impact of my orgasm. My muscles shook uncontrollably as he pushed back my hair and watched in awe. 

I relaxed against him, letting him stroke my hair and my back as I panted and tried to moisten my dry mouth with my tongue. I felt his lips against the top of my head and heard him tell me he loved me as I tightened my grip around his torso. I could hear his heart beating in my ear. Calming. He was there, I knew he was but as I drifted awake, alone in my bed and reached out to the cold emptiness beside me I knew he hadn’t been. He was still miles away. My dreams giving him to me only for my reality to take him away again. 

I felt my heart rate accelerating as it all hit me. I pulled myself from my bed and rushed into my bathroom. Maybe I was mistaken. How could dreams be this cruel? How could he have felt so real? 

He wasn’t there. No evidence of our shower together. No reminder of his smell. I backed up to the wall and slid down it, my breathing erratic. But I’d felt him there. I could still feel him as I clasped my hands over my core and cried. Breaking down completely. 

My subconscious had done me a kindness. Brought him to me when it knew I needed him but it didn’t take into account the waking. How horrible it was to be ripped back into a cold morning feeling him but finding him nowhere. 

Once I could gather myself enough I pulled my heavy body back into my room and found my phone, hitting his number and curling back up in bed. Bringing a pillow tightly to my chest as his phone rang on the other end. 

"Good morning, my girl," his voice was warm and light. It wasn’t fair. He was in good spirits. Happy. Distracted. While I was being swallowed by his absence and the cruelty of his world. 

"Harry—" was all I could manage before I broke again. 

"Sweet heart, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?" The light was gone from his voice and replaced with concern. I couldn’t answer him. I couldn’t even think of words let alone form them over my sobbing. "I don’t know what’s going on. She won’t stop crying," I heard him tell one of the boys. He was distraught and I knew I was doing something awful to him. Selfish. He couldn’t be here. Not like I needed him and this wasn’t helping him. I was ruining his day for what? So he could listen to me cry? Listen to my need for him destroy me when he could do nothing about it?

"I’m sorry," I choked out, covering my face in my hand and coughing, feeling sick with my tears. 

"You’re scaring me, love. What’s going on?" 

"I can’t," my words were barely audible and I felt as if I wasn’t even the one speaking them.

"What?" 

"I can’t, Harry. I can’t do this. Everything they’re saying. I can’t."

"Don’t say that. It’s all rubbish, you know that. It’s just you and me in this. No one else. Okay?"

"You’re not here," I sobbed out, cursing my dreams and thinking them more a nightmare.

"You can’t give up. You can’t talk like that."

"Harry, I ca—"

"Stop it, listen to me. Are you listening?" His voice was frantic and deep. Trying to hold onto me with both hands from thousands of miles away when I couldn’t even hold onto myself.

"Yes," my voice was weak and I barely recognized it.

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

"I—I don’t know," my pillow was soaked with tears and all I could taste was their salt. "Can you get to the bungalow?"

"Harry—"

"Babe, just get to the bungalow tomorrow, alright? I’ll be there. I’ll find a way and I’ll be there. Just don’t—shit, don’t say stuff like this. I’ll be there."

"Okay," I exhaled, feeling my selfishness override my heartbreak. He needed to be doing his job not flying across the world to calm down his emotional girlfriend. This wasn’t us. We were free. I don’t know who this was, but it wasn’t us.

"Okay. I’ll be there. I love you so much. Calm down, love. I’ll be there soon."

"I Shall Believe"

Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it’s a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe

I’m broken in two
And I know you’re on to me
That I only come home
When I’m so all alone
But I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won’t give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe

Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it’s true
No one heals me like you
And you hold the key

Never again
would I turn away from you
I’m so heavy tonight
But your love is alright
And I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won’t give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe


xx
  1. 5sospizzabunny reblogged this from overdosing-on-styles and added:
    I’m not crying..
  2. imstyles-babe reblogged this from yaisirysus
  3. yaisirysus reblogged this from death-by-styles
  4. penguins-butterflies answered: Awesome and Sad! Well done again and as always.
  5. n-aive-visions answered: I have a physical/mental/emotional need for you to post the next part. please i’m begging.
  6. echlie answered: Well that was a complete and total MIND FUCK!! Like really? Whyyyyy???
  7. shadowskeletons answered: holy mother of god I actually teared up. Your writing is always so flawless ugh addicted! x
  8. dumb-love-song answered: well… that wasn’t very nice … I’m about to start crying! It’s like Haroline all over again. good writing though, good stuff.
  9. overdosing-on-styles reblogged this from death-by-styles and added:
    this is life ok
  10. whatmakesmewhat reblogged this from death-by-styles
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